Well, this week has been particularly dramatic for me. First let me post a little on Liam. I noticed on the 6th (want to remember the date), that my sweet little boy can now roll onto his tummy, and can then roll on to his back! I have no idea where he is compared to other babies, but I don't really want to know. I know too many mommies who stress as to whether their child is ahead or behind of everybody else. My child will spend the rest of his life having to deal with how he measures up to other people, but he is perfect to me. He could be rolling before other babies, or later than other babies, I couldn't care less!
This same night I get a call from my brother telling me to leave work and go to my mom's and check on her. Since no one ever calls me to leave work, I know it is an emergency. My stepdad has walked out on my mom. She's hysterical. She found a bunch of text messages on his phone to another woman. These messages said things like, "I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again." My stepfather said they were a joke, but come on....
Basically, I know that I am supposed to take the high road. I know that I am supposed to love everyone, and forgive. I know that I will be a better person than that. I guess that I am not that great of a person. I hate them both.
I feel so bad for my mom, and I don't know what to do for her. She is so depressed, and she is so hurt, and I can't fix her heart. She told me, "Margy I'm 50 years old, and I don't want to die alone." Do you know how heartbreaking that is to hear? She even said that she would take him back, if he would just come back. My mom thinks so little of herself, that she would stay with a man that treated her like shit. She doesn't think she deserves better than that? Now she's struggling to figure out how she's going to make it on her paycheck, and she's trying to save money to find a place to live. She won't come stay with me, and I don't have any money to help her. I feel so helpless.
I also feel so bad for our family. He didn't just leave my mom, he left us. He is a sorry asshole, and my mom could take him back a hundred times, but I will never forgive him. He was there when my son was born. He helped me move a million times. We went out to dinner a million times, and had so much fun together. My nephews, and niece call him Pappy. He even left a voice mail on my phone TWO fucking days before he walked out, telling me how much he loved me, and happy birthday. Thanks, it was the best birthday ever!
Actually I do owe him a big thank you. He just affirmed my faith in humanity. Nobody can ever figure out why I don't want to get married, and it is because of people like him. No one ever stays together anymore. No one seems to know how to be faithful, and loyal, and how to maintain their wedding vows. No matter what, people always leave.
I am sorry this is such an angry post. I am having such a hard time dealing with this, and I am trying not to show it to anyone here. I am trying to be strong and uplifting for my mom, but I am just so sad. I thought that maybe if I wrote about it, I would feel better.