Monday, July 7, 2008

It's Been A Rough Week.

Well, this week has been particularly dramatic for me. First let me post a little on Liam. I noticed on the 6th (want to remember the date), that my sweet little boy can now roll onto his tummy, and can then roll on to his back! I have no idea where he is compared to other babies, but I don't really want to know. I know too many mommies who stress as to whether their child is ahead or behind of everybody else. My child will spend the rest of his life having to deal with how he measures up to other people, but he is perfect to me. He could be rolling before other babies, or later than other babies, I couldn't care less!

This same night I get a call from my brother telling me to leave work and go to my mom's and check on her. Since no one ever calls me to leave work, I know it is an emergency. My stepdad has walked out on my mom. She's hysterical. She found a bunch of text messages on his phone to another woman. These messages said things like, "I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again." My stepfather said they were a joke, but come on....

Basically, I know that I am supposed to take the high road. I know that I am supposed to love everyone, and forgive. I know that I will be a better person than that. I guess that I am not that great of a person. I hate them both.

I feel so bad for my mom, and I don't know what to do for her. She is so depressed, and she is so hurt, and I can't fix her heart. She told me, "Margy I'm 50 years old, and I don't want to die alone." Do you know how heartbreaking that is to hear? She even said that she would take him back, if he would just come back. My mom thinks so little of herself, that she would stay with a man that treated her like shit. She doesn't think she deserves better than that? Now she's struggling to figure out how she's going to make it on her paycheck, and she's trying to save money to find a place to live. She won't come stay with me, and I don't have any money to help her. I feel so helpless.

I also feel so bad for our family. He didn't just leave my mom, he left us. He is a sorry asshole, and my mom could take him back a hundred times, but I will never forgive him. He was there when my son was born. He helped me move a million times. We went out to dinner a million times, and had so much fun together. My nephews, and niece call him Pappy. He even left a voice mail on my phone TWO fucking days before he walked out, telling me how much he loved me, and happy birthday. Thanks, it was the best birthday ever!

Actually I do owe him a big thank you. He just affirmed my faith in humanity. Nobody can ever figure out why I don't want to get married, and it is because of people like him. No one ever stays together anymore. No one seems to know how to be faithful, and loyal, and how to maintain their wedding vows. No matter what, people always leave.

I am sorry this is such an angry post. I am having such a hard time dealing with this, and I am trying not to show it to anyone here. I am trying to be strong and uplifting for my mom, but I am just so sad. I thought that maybe if I wrote about it, I would feel better.


  1. I am so sorry to hear about your mom/stepdad. It is really sad that people hurt eachother in such awful ways. I hope that he doesn't come back and that someone great will enter your mom's life and make her truly happy.

    Congrats on your baby rolling over, isn't it just sweet when they learn something new like that!

  2. Awww Congrats Liam is growing into his next stages. How old is he now? He looks so sweet in your arms.

    Sorry to read about your mom/stepdad and I know you both are hurt right now. She will move on, she just needs time to grieve. Writing your anger here is a good thing and will help you remain positive for your mom. I mean getting it out in writing usually is very good. You could even write a letter to him, you do not have to send it but you can get all your thoughts and anger out. Keeping you and your mom in my prayers that all will work out.

  3. i am so sorry you week has been so rough hun! What a terrible situation... eventually you can let your mom know that being single at 50 does not equal dying alone. My second cousin didn't even get married the first time until 53 when she met the love of her life! Also my parents friends have all dated and found love in their 60's... The right guy will come along but she needs to focus in on herself and maybe try some new things. Could you guys join a walking class together? maybe she could check out some church groups or a new hobby to meet new people and give her somthing to focus on.
    Perhaps a roomate would be good for her? Another woman her age? It might help to split the rent...
    I feel so bad for ya hun we have faced a similiar situation in our family and it is just painful no matter what.
    Don't blame marriage for this one man's actions tho. Remember he is one man...not every man. I hope writing this all out helps.. I find words from people more removed from the situation really helpful since they aren't as emotionally charged.
    Good luck with things hun and i will definitely add you and mom to my prayers tonite!

  4. WTG Mr. Liam! All babies do things in their own time.

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope that time will heal your mom, and that she is able to move on.

  5. I'm sorry about what's happening with your family. It's sad how things happen. Don't worry yourself too much about it because you have your own family to worry about and little Liam could sense how you feel.

    Hopefully your mother will get over him in time. Courtney has some good tips there for her. She is still young and now-a-days woman her age are looking for younger sexier guys to have fun with. I don't know if she would even think about something like that but I know I would! I'll be 50 next year and if I were single believe me I'd be looking for a hot young stud. LOL

    Anyway hope everything turns out well for your mom. Good luck.

  6. Curves is a wonderful idea! They are so supportive! When i went a few years ago i always tried to go at the same time because it allows you to meet other women and get to know them...of course i "tried out" different times until i found a group i really connected with...
    Your mom is so lucky to have a daughter like you who is looking out for her!

  7. That is great news about Liam.
    Now that he is moving around, you will be very busy.

    Sorry to hear about your Mom.
    Things happen for a reason. This may be the best thing that happened to her.
    This is also a time when she should take the opportunity to LOVE herself and get some confidence. She should not jump into a relationship till she KNOWS who she is and what she wants.
    Maybe you can sit down with her and make a vision board of a few short term goals to accomplish for starters.

    You are right that you can't help her because she needs to help herself first by acknowledging herself as a worthy person.

    Good luck.

  8. I went through this same situation with my father several years ago. He left my stepmother who I considered to be my mother for a girl 5 years younger than me! It was awful and my mom responded in the same way - take him back if he'd come. I felt the same anger and hatred you are feeling now for many years. What I came to realize was that it wasn't hurting my dad all that much but it was sure hurting me and my family because I was so cynical and bitter. Through God's grace I found forgiveness for my dad. And something else that helped ALOT is that someone told me that just because I forgave him for what he did didn't mean I had to resume a normal relationship with him or trust him again. That was a big turning point for me because I thought forgiveness = trust and close relationship. I do have a relationship with my father now but it is more of a casual, civil relationship. Certainly not father/daughter but I can be in the same room with him now. It was a long, hard road and I'm happier where I am now than where I was for many years. If you need someone to talk to or vent to please email me. I'll be praying for you.
    P.S. - don't give up on humanity or marriage. There are still good, honest, faithful people out here. :)

  9. my email addy is: if you ever need it.