Sunday, January 25, 2009
I have issues with the blame game. I see a lot of people who like to blame their upbringing for how they turned out. To a certain extent, that's fine. When you're 9 years old and you hit other kids, because your parents hit, I can understand. Like I said, to a certain extent.
At some point in your life you can no longer blame your parents. In fact, at a certain point, you no longer get to blame anyone but yourself. Why? Because a person is responsible for his or her actions. Regardless of one's upbringing or one's past, at a certain age, every person knows right from wrong. For example, a person cannot blame their DUI on their parent's alcoholism. That person still knew that drinking and driving was wrong, and made a choice to get behind the wheel.
I get irritated when I hear someone blame their parents. I have to listen to it quite a bit. I have 3 brothers and one sister. I am the second oldest. There is Roger (30), myself (28), Kris (26), Gyrome (17), and Jezzelle (15). We are all wildly diverse. The youngest two are still not old enough, so I'm not sure how they will turn out as adults, although I really am not real worried about them. They are pretty cool kids.
The oldest 3, Roger, me, and Kris, all had pretty crappy childhoods. If it's happened, we went through it. Don't get me wrong, we're all alive and healthy, so I'm pretty grateful. But, we went through some really bad stuff as children. And it sucked, I am not trying to take away from our painful childhood, but it's over and done with.
I think I turned out the most normal, and I'm really not all that normal. I don't really like to socialize with people, I hate change in any form, I hate crowds and being in places that I don't know. I have wierd nightmares occasionally, and sometimes even panic attacks. I also think that if I let myself, I could go totally agoraphobic on this world....
My oldest brother is Roger. I love him, and he has a good heart, sometimes. He has 3 kids by two different women, and he acts like he's 12. He doesn't take responsibity of his kids, and I often have to do things like catch his power bill up, or pay his rent, or give him money to fix his car, or even pay out his child support. I know, I enable him, which is why I have cut him off this year. We don't have any money, and now that I have a family, they are my priority. Don't get me wrong, I will help his kids, but I will not help him anymore. Roger is also mean to his girlfriends. He belittles them, he yells at them, and he orders them around like slaves. He's never faithful, and they hang around. Roger is really my dad, incarnated. Well my dad, without the violence, although I see a potential for my brother to get violent. My brother loves to play the blame game when it comes to his problems. It is never his fault, it is always the world that is against him. It's really sad, and I am sad for him, but I don't know what I can do to help him. I am scared that he will never change.
The 3rd oldest is Kris. Now I've posted a blog about my brother Kris, before. He's not mean, and I don't think he's that irresponsible. But he's very distant. He pretty much just hates the whole family, and he still talks to me, but it's only on occassion. He's a very bitter, angry person. When we talk, he likes to bring up all of the bad things that happened, all the time. So I know he thinks about the past a lot. Maybe that's why he doesn't like to talk to us, because he associates us with a part of his life that wasn't good. I'm sad for him, because I want him to be present in family life, and I miss him, so I'm sad for me, too.
When I think about the topic "parenting," I think about the three oldest. We are all so very different, and we were all raised in the same environment. We are all a little shattered by our past, but my two brothers prefer to use it as a crutch, while I just prefer to forget. I guess, as parents, we can only do what we think is best for our children. I think that better parents make for better kids, but that's not always the case. Sometimes, a person can have the best parents, and still grow up to be a lousy adult. I just believe that at a certain point, you have to stop blaming your parents, and take responsibility for yourself and your life. Your past may have shaped you, but it by no means makes you who you are. You choose to be the person you are. You live the life you want to live, and you choose whether you will be happy or miserable.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
1. I am lazy. I make myself get up, and be a part of life, but in reality I just wanna schmooze.
2. I have a hard time telling people no, but I get really resentful towards them when they take advantage of me.
3. I gossip too much. I am trying to be better, but sometimes I just wanna hear some juicy gossip.
4. I have the worst self esteem because I gained all this baby weight, and I still haven't lost it.
5. I care too much about what others think.
6. I hate that I smoke, but it is just so hard every time I try to quit.
7. I once got a B, and I cried for a long time over it.
8. I shop way too much, and I buy so many scrapbooking supplies. I am out of control.
9. I am addicted to Pepsi.
10. I would rather hang out by myself, then with a group of people.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Let's see Christmas day wasn't that bad. Trey and I cooked breakfast for a ton of people. There were a lot of kids, and we were easily overwhelmed, but it was a success. Well except for the crazy woman that my Pop brought as his girlfriend. Apparently she's trying to be a photographer, and felt the need to give me tips. While I am not above tips, I do dislike people talking down to me. Grrrr, but I gritted my teeth and I bore it!
Liam got a ton of presents (I am slowly getting snapshots of all of them). He also took his very first steps on Christmas day! It was really exciting. Right now, he will take steps a few at a time, but he still really likes to crawl.
He's also started sucking his thumb, which I think is really wierd. I was led to believe that he would suck his thumb from birth or not at all. Now he's at 10 months old, and he is loving that bad boy. He also loves to shake his head no. (with me as his mom, I'm not surprised). He loves to bite, and I have no idea how to stop that (any advice would be appreciated). He can also say, "ma ma."
I have entered a ton of cool challenges on scrapbook.com. I am really excited about the Project 365 Challenge. Basically, we'll take a photo a day, and at the end of every week we'll create a layout with those seven photos. I am keeping up, but it is only the 4th day!
I am also part of the blogging challenge (hoping to blog at least once a week), and our weekly prompt was winter, so here goes.
The snow was everywhere, and it was breathtaking. I took a ton of pictures, and we drove around sliding along the road, and finding places large enough to do doughnuts in. We finally decided to head up this one road and see what kind of trouble we could get into up there.
The road was too hilly and curvy to try things, so we decided to turn around and we got stuck! We sat in the snow for a little while, just hanging out.
A snow plow finally showed up, and this poor guy tried his best to unstick us from the ditch or whatever we were stuck in. He finally had to leave, because I'm sure he had a job to do! Nice guy! Finally after messing around for a long time, we finally got the truck unstuck (I'm sure some of the snow had finally melted), and we headed home for some hot cocoa!
It was a really, really good snow day! I love winter!