This was the only New Year's Resolution that I had. I probably chose only one, because I knew this would be extremely hard for me.
My goal for 2008 was to become a non-smoker. I have smoked since I was 18, and I hate the expense, the smell, and the effects that it has on my health. Unfortunately, I never realized just how hard it would be to quit. I never realized just how addicting this nasty habit could be. I crave it, I yearn for it, nicotine is a drug, and it's the only drug that has had a hold over me.
I didn't do so bad during the pregnancy. I stayed away from cigarettes, although I can't honestly say that I was completely good, I slipped a couple times. I figured if I went for the duration of the pregnancy I could conquer this addiction. I haven't. As soon as I started back to work I was back to smoking. It's so hard to work at a casino, and not smoke. Honestly, you're smoking just by walking around inside. So, I am a smoker again. Cigarettes are expensive, and the cost sucks, but I am more scared that I will do irreparable damage to my body. It was never that important (I mean 27 is still young), but now that I have a child things are different. I don't want him to grow up and see his parents smoke. I don't want him to have this habit. I don't want to die from a bad habit I couldn't give up. I want to watch him grow up, and I want to watch my grandchildren grow as well.
I have all these great aspirations, and all of the best reasons to quit smoking.... Why can't I? How can this thing be that much stronger than me? Why am I so weak?