Thursday, June 12, 2008

Grateful Letter

I am putting a twist on this letter. This letter is to my little brother Kris, a brother that I am grateful for, but also to my little brother who is not grateful enough.

Dear Kris,

This is a very hard letter for me to write, but I hope that maybe one day you will read it. I hope that maybe one day you will get past your anger, and want to become an active part of our family again.

I am your big sister, and as your big sister it is my job to protect you. I know that I did a lousy job of it. I know that our childhood was not a normal, happy one, and I am sorry. In my defense, I was only a kid myself. While that provides me a little comfort, it doesn't not comfort me enough, knowing how angry you are at the world. I know that our childhood was full of anger and abuse. I know that each of us three older siblings carry the scars from that abuse, but I believe that the scars you carry are the most dangerous. Every one of us deserved a childhood full of good memories. We should have memories of opening presents at Christmas, of trick-or-treating, of telling scary stories to each other, but we don't.

You dislike Roger, and I am so saddened by that. I know that Roger has made his mistakes, and that he is very much a kid himself at times, but he is our older brother, and he loves us so much. He has a very kind heart, and he would do anything that you asked him to. Like you, he is angry. He is not very nice to the women he dates, and I pray that one day he will realize that he is too much like our father. While he is disrespectful to his girlfriends, he has so many good qualities that you are missing out on. He is such a wonderful father. He loves his children, and he would do anything for their happiness. He is a good brother, he helps me out whenever I need him. He is a good son, he runs around like crazy making sure mom has everything she needs. He is a good friend, we spend a lot of time hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

You dislike mom, and sadly you don't speak to her very often. It makes her sad, and I am sad that she has to ask me how you are doing. I know you don't agree with the choices that she has made in life, but everyone makes mistakes. I know that you feel like she abandoned you, and you have every right to feel that way. It hurts to look at my new son, and think that one day he, too, could possibly hate me. Forgive mom, you have made your mistakes and she still loves you.

Even me, you don't even like me. That hurts the most. You barely tolerate my phone calls. You call me only when you are mad at the current people in your life, because you know I will listen. You call me and tell me that you would be happy if you just didn't exist, and it breaks my heart. I would be upset if you didn't exist. Many people would care.

There is a point to this letter. I wish you weren't so bitter and angry about the past. I wish you didn't have so much baggage. I wish you could remember the good times as much as you remember the bad. There are a few good times, but they are still there. Remember when we would all sleep in the bed together and tickle each others' feet? Remember when we would hang out, play cards, and watch movies? Remember when we sang kaoroke at a party in the Phillippines, and we won like 50 cents? There are some good times, but there could be many more. I am your family, and no matter how long we go without talking I will be there for you. I also wish that you could be more grateful for what you have. No matter what has happened to us, it could be worse. We are all alive, and we have much in life to look forward too.

I am grateful for you little brother. I wish you could find it in your heart to be more grateful for the good things that you do have....

All my love,


  1. Oh, you made me cry... that was very touching. I hope some day that everything works out for you and your brothers. Lots of hugs to you...

  2. OK, thank you for making me cry and making me realize I need to write a letter to my brother who seems to be having a hard time with life in general! Your words are so beautiful, honest, and touching. This would make great journaling on a layout- I think you should mail a copy to your brother, maybe seeing your feeling in writing will help him come around!

    Love this!

  3. Oh, I hope you and your brother make ammends...your letter is wonderful, and I hope he sees that you are trying to re-connect. Good luck!

  4. I am sobbing.
    I will say prays for you and your family.

  5. This is a great letter. I'm sorry to hear there is so much saddness. I know how that abuse thing can damage peoples minds but we all have to make choices. I don't see that you are doing anything wrong but your brother is making the choice to hang on to the past which is why he is probably so angry as you say. If he would focus just on the moments of now, his pain would cease.

    My dh's kids don't communicate with him either because they still harbor the pains of the past but that doesn't mean that we should stop living because they choose to stay in the past.

    Hope everything works out okay for you and your family. God Bless

  6. I was just like your brother once, but I found that through God's grace and His grace alone I could forgive the people who hurt me most. Although they never acknowledge needing any forgiveness, I have given it and it has made MY quality of life better. Maybe if your brother understands that one can forgive without forgetting and without setting oneself up for further hurt, he will consider it. And maybe he just needs to mature more first. I pray that things will turn around for all of you. And I agree, that maybe you should send your brother this letter. Maybe today it won't make a difference, but perhaps tomorrow or next week it will.

  7. Now I look crazy criing in a hotel lobby! You are God child! He's already forgiven you for you. There is no harm in being a child! (((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))

  8. What a beautiful letter - you deffinately have a way with words. You are a wonderful big sister, I can tell this through your writing. Hang in there - he will come around in his own time.

  9. I have two younger brother who are also dealing with anger. They do not see that the more that they are tring not to be like their father and running away from the family they are becoming more and more like him. And in some ways worse.