I am putting a twist on this letter. This letter is to my little brother Kris, a brother that I am grateful for, but also to my little brother who is not grateful enough.
This is a very hard letter for me to write, but I hope that maybe one day you will read it. I hope that maybe one day you will get past your anger, and want to become an active part of our family again.
I am your big sister, and as your big sister it is my job to protect you. I know that I did a lousy job of it. I know that our childhood was not a normal, happy one, and I am sorry. In my defense, I was only a kid myself. While that provides me a little comfort, it doesn't not comfort me enough, knowing how angry you are at the world. I know that our childhood was full of anger and abuse. I know that each of us three older siblings carry the scars from that abuse, but I believe that the scars you carry are the most dangerous. Every one of us deserved a childhood full of good memories. We should have memories of opening presents at Christmas, of trick-or-treating, of telling scary stories to each other, but we don't.
You dislike Roger, and I am so saddened by that. I know that Roger has made his mistakes, and that he is very much a kid himself at times, but he is our older brother, and he loves us so much. He has a very kind heart, and he would do anything that you asked him to. Like you, he is angry. He is not very nice to the women he dates, and I pray that one day he will realize that he is too much like our father. While he is disrespectful to his girlfriends, he has so many good qualities that you are missing out on. He is such a wonderful father. He loves his children, and he would do anything for their happiness. He is a good brother, he helps me out whenever I need him. He is a good son, he runs around like crazy making sure mom has everything she needs. He is a good friend, we spend a lot of time hanging out and enjoying each other's company.
You dislike mom, and sadly you don't speak to her very often. It makes her sad, and I am sad that she has to ask me how you are doing. I know you don't agree with the choices that she has made in life, but everyone makes mistakes. I know that you feel like she abandoned you, and you have every right to feel that way. It hurts to look at my new son, and think that one day he, too, could possibly hate me. Forgive mom, you have made your mistakes and she still loves you.
Even me, you don't even like me. That hurts the most. You barely tolerate my phone calls. You call me only when you are mad at the current people in your life, because you know I will listen. You call me and tell me that you would be happy if you just didn't exist, and it breaks my heart. I would be upset if you didn't exist. Many people would care.
There is a point to this letter. I wish you weren't so bitter and angry about the past. I wish you didn't have so much baggage. I wish you could remember the good times as much as you remember the bad. There are a few good times, but they are still there. Remember when we would all sleep in the bed together and tickle each others' feet? Remember when we would hang out, play cards, and watch movies? Remember when we sang kaoroke at a party in the Phillippines, and we won like 50 cents? There are some good times, but there could be many more. I am your family, and no matter how long we go without talking I will be there for you. I also wish that you could be more grateful for what you have. No matter what has happened to us, it could be worse. We are all alive, and we have much in life to look forward too.
I am grateful for you little brother. I wish you could find it in your heart to be more grateful for the good things that you do have....
All my love,